I haven’t had much time lately for gardening with one thing or another. Actually that’s not true – it’s not a lack of time, it’s how I’ve been choosing to spend that time. One thing I struggle with is that when I decide to do something (like crochet a blanket) that’s all I want to do until it’s finished. I struggle to do several different things in a day, even if I enjoy all those things. For example, I’m trying to build up my walking habit again but even though I had several opportunities to go for a walk last week I didn’t go. Because I wanted to come home and finish the blanket I was crocheting. And I haven’t done much in the garden for the same reason – I just wanted to get that blanket done so my heart wasn’t in anything else. I’m not sure if this is a feature of Autism or ADHD – I have a feeling it might be down to the combination of those.
I was wondering why I find it hard to do more than one thing, because it’s something that I’ve frequently struggled with, and I think it’s down to a couple of things. One is that I’m worried that if I stop I might never pick it up again. Which might seem like a silly thing to think, but it has certainly happened. Sometimes I will find something else I want to do, and then it can be really hard to go back to the original thing I was doing, either because I get lost in the “something else”, or I forget that I was doing the first thing.
The other reason is that it can take me a while to get into the frame of mind to do A, and so switching to do B for a while and then going back to A is more mental gymnastics than I like. That happens a lot when I have my day planned out to do something and then someone says “hey lets do this!” Even when it’s something I would enjoy my first reaction is usually to panic and say no I can’t.
So I could approach this by berating myself and telling myself that I should be able to just do it, or I could accept that this is how I operate and figure out how to work with myself, rather than against myself. I haven’t got the solution worked out yet, but I know that I will now that I have defined the problem. It will probably involve notes, more realistic planning, and lots of self kindness. And smaller crochet projects 😉
Bayside Homestead 