My ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

I have recently been diagnosed as having ADHD so I’m going to write about my experience with this. Please note, I can only talk about my experience of ADHD and how I am learning to deal with it. This may not apply to others with ADHD at all, especially as in my case it is combined with autism.

To be perfectly honest I was a bit unsure about the diagnosis because I had the common misconceptions that someone with ADHD can’t pay attention or concentrate at all on anything, and that the hyperactivity was physical as in constant movement, and those just didn’t seem to apply to me. It was when I started realising how often I have to work hard to concentrate (for example) on what someone is saying or keep my mind focused on a topic and not get sidetracked that it started to make sense; plus my brain is incredibly hyperactive and feels like it can’t sit still 😉

Once I accepted the diagnosis it was a huge relief because I realise now that there is nothing wrong with me. That might seem a contradiction in terms to some people, but ADHD isn’t “wrong” despite the words deficit and disorder being in there. It’s a difference, a neurodiversity, and it’s certainly not a deficit of attention, it’s the opposite really. My brain is trying to pay attention to everything at once so while I’m sitting here typing I am trying really hard not to listen to the dishwasher and the person shovelling gravel (or whatever) next door, the feeling of my shirt collar, socks, and about a thousand other things. Before I was diagnosed I would think to myself “argh why can’t I just focus, what is wrong with me???” and I would start to get anxious and worry about it. But now I know what is going on so I don’t worry. And if those thoughts start intruding too much (ie not just the background noise that I live with all the time) and I can’t focus on what I’m writing I’ll close the door, turn the dishwasher off, etc, and manage it. I actually think there’s a certain level of “background noise” that is helpful in that it engages part of my brain so the rest can focus on the task. I’m not sure, but if things are “too quiet” my brain seems to run off in all directions.

So now… to medicate or not to medicate, that is the question. Well it’s the question that I’ve been asked and I am reluctant to go that route. I am not “anti-medication” as I take an anti-anxiety/depression med and I am sure ADHD meds would help with my focus. However with the level of ADHD I have (or how I have already learned to manage) I do pretty well without medication. Part of me was wondering why I was so hesitant (I always want to know the why!) and a couple of things have come to mind. One is that I really like how my brain works – having ADHD means that I notice things in situations where other people might miss them, I like how my brain can jump swiftly from one thing to another, have a wide variety of things I find interesting and enjoyable, and it amuses me. So I don’t want to interfere with how it operates. And the other thing is that it’s really only when I am trying to fit into a neurotypical world that it becomes an issue. But I can change and adapt my part of the world and put in place the things that make it easier for me (and I realise that I am talking from a place of priveledge there). Things like coming up with routines, limiting decisions that need to be made, using notes and planners, setting alarms to remind me about things and not going into situations that are going to be totally overwhelming without some strategies in place. It seems a bit redundant to take meds for something that isn’t causing me issues, but if my ADHD does cause me hassles in the future I may change my mind. But that’s ok, I’m allowed to.