Ah 2025 – you have certainly started with a bang around my part of the world. Before the metaphorical fireworks went off I decided that my “word of the year” for 2025 is SLOW; and my spirit animals are the Snail and Sloth. Post fireworks, I am glad I’m already in this mindset and have been working on my snail pace.
There are two sides to this really, why I have chosen the word slow.
The first reason is that I was brought up to move fast – as a child I was told I ate too slowly, I walked too slowly, thought and spoke too slowly.” As I got older if I wasn’t doing something “productive” I was wasting my time. And being female, if i was spending time resting, or doing my own thing, not caring for others, I was made to feel selfish.
So my default is to be rushed and feeling like the pressure is on all the time. Even waiting for the kettle to boil to make a cup of tea is almost agonisingly slow. Then you have to wait for it to cool down. Who has time for that! (answer – everyone. Everyone does.)
Having ADHD doesn’t help as the feature of time blindness can mean that everything is “Now” or “Not Now” and if I have to do something “Now” my brain will go into “oh that means gotta get it all done in seconds, quick, rush, rush.”
So I am trying to break those patterns, and reset that mental default that everything needs to be done super fast. When I feel rushed my body is tense, when I slow down I can feel my body relax.
Maybe I’ll challenge myself to make a cup of tea every morning when I wake up – even if I don’t drink it!
The second reason is that over the past couple of years I have realised that I can not maintain the pace of life that many, many other people seem to be able to; and that is expected of us by …. society I guess.
I have always seen slogans like “be a go getter”, “achieve more quicker”, and job ads with “are you someone that thrives under pressure”, and thought…. ugh, no.
Trying to maintain that pace has left me well and truly burnt out and not good for much at all.
I was in at my psychiatrist appointment a while ago and said something about how it was hard to get others to understand that I can’t maintain that pace, I can’t always do “all the things”, and sometimes I can’t do anything at all.
She talked about Windows of Tolerance, and how different people have different tolerance for things. And then said something that I find very useful to have in my head, on repeat.
“Why do they get to set the standard for you?”
That simple question made me stop and think. Yeah. Why do they get to set the standard for me?
Sure when you are a child, there are going to be adults that want to dicate your pace – hopefully in a nurturing, guiding way if and when it is appropriate – but often that is not the case. When you are an adult though, *you* know (or are in the process of learning) what your pace is. And you get to set it. No one else. You are in charge.
Ironically I think I will make more progress moving forward in the areas I want to by embracing this “snail’s pace” way of thinking.
Disclaimer – I do realise that it’s not always that easy when it comes to employment. I wish it was. I know that my ability to set my own pace is because of my priviledge. If I had been stuck in one of my previous jobs, unable to leave, or to discuss/set boundaries, due to financial commitments, things would be much different.
Bayside Homestead 