(and trying to find the road out)
I’ve been struggling more than usual with my mental health. It’s weird though – I’m not in a dark place, it’s more that I just don’t want to do anything. Everything is too much – too overwhelming. It’s like I’m feeling the full force of my ADHD and sensory processing issues. The best way I can explain it is when I go to the supermarket. I can handle the bright lights, the noise, the people, up until a point such as trying to get through a crowded aisle, or there being no bread left, and then I suddenly notice how bright the lights are, how noisy and crowded it is and I want to escape.
And now I’ve reached that point in life – it’s all so noisy and bright and smelly and feels horrible and harsh. Outside is too big and it’s much more comfortable to wrap myself in my weighted blanket.
I don’t want to stay here for too long, but also I wonder if this is my body/mind telling me I need to stay here for a little while without fighting against it. Let myself rest properly. I do have a gp appointment in place next Friday to get a MHP, so maybe until then I’ll give in to the draw of my weighted blanket and line up some mindless tv to watch next week.
I’m also going to finally try and get myself some ADHD meds – I was going fine without them, but I think it’s time to accept the extra help that is on offer. There is only so much environmental engineering I can do! As I’ve said before I’m not anti-medication (I take ADs and blood pressure meds) but I was managing without them previously – I think it would be nice to make life not quite so hard now though.
So I can see the road out now, not quite ready to head there yet, but I have strategies to make sure I don’t stay here too long.
Bayside Homestead 