Realisation, Reflection, and Running

I came to a bit of a realisation today.

I think I mentioned in another post that I have difficulty with being able to do multiple things in the one day. Like going for a run, shopping, housework and other jobs in the time I have allocated. For many people this wouldn’t be an issue and they’d just get it done without much drama. But for me, I think about this list of things I’m supposed to do today, and I’m filled with dread. I thought it was to do with time management (and there is certainly a part that is) but I think mostly it’s because while I could do all those things I would have to be rushing around to fit it all in. And that’s what I used to do. I thought that was an achievement. Look at how much I can fit into my day! After all I grew up always being asked what I was going to do, like you always have to be “doing” something. Society admires the go-getters and high achievers.

Now I’m trying to do things a bit differently. I much prefer having a bit of extra time and go more slowly. When I’m rushing I can feel the anxiety coming on, which then makes it almost a self fulfilling prophecy that things will take longer because I get overwhelmed by a million thoughts rushing at me.

I was talking to someone recently about wanting to be able to go for a run in the morning and then come home and make lunches, get the kids ready and do the school run. And in theory it sounds great and I know that’s what works best for many people, getting out for a run before tackling the rest of the day. But even though part of me would like to do that, if I’m honest I don’t think that is the best thing for me. I like having a slow adjustment from sleeping to getting ready for the day, and having “white space” around the time I need to do lunches, etc. I can get everyone ready without spending the first part of the day under pressure. Also after I go for a run I like to have a bit of time to switch off from the running mindset, reflect about the run a bit and hold on to the “after run” glow. (oh, I just had a thought… a morning run on the weekend would work as I don’t have to get people ready. Good idea)

I am working on not feeling guilty for choosing to go slow, because I know what happens when I do take on too much and feel pressured to be on the go all the time. Anxiety, depression, mental breakdown. I am choosing not to go down that path again and choosing the things that will support my mental health.